Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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