Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
