it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
