At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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