I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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