Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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