I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
