Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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