an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
