I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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