My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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