you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
