Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
