There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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