apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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