It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
