They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
