called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
