U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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