the condom got lost in my hair
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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