I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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