God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
