That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
