Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
