He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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