then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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