I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
