I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
