he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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