I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I puked a lego.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He better not be in your backpack
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
this is an emotional support booty call
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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