You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Small penises have feelings too.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sorry my hands just texted you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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