I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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