he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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