you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize