OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
