Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Never underestimate the power of titties
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
