idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
