Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
