I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
