I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
