Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I need to stop coming to work sober
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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