you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
