When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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