I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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