Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
