I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
