If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
