it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
