so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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