the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
