I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
