youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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