Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
someone owes me an orgasm
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
